Monday, June 9, 2014

Secrets are no fun

Remember back in January when I alluded to a big change coming in 2014? Well, I suppose it is time to 'fess up.

Emily is moving.

I know I don't owe you all an explanation, but I hope you understand that we feel it is in her best interest for her to live with her father. It was a hard decision, as I'm sure you can imagine, and it has been followed by many difficult steps to prepare us all for this change.

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~ Elizabeth Stone

At summer's end Ben and I will have to take on an entirely different parenting role - a long distance one. Luckily, we live in the age of the internet so we'll be able to "see" and talk to each other regularly.  We plan to have some fun finding creative ways to say "we love you" across the miles. Of course, there will also be visits and family vacations. Those are some of the silver linings.

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path. ~ Agatha Christie

My personal journey will be a search for my new place in the world. Who am I outside of "mommy;" what do I like, how do I act? I suppose some excitement can be found in the prospect of looking for myself...but I'm not there yet. I'm still struggling a bit with accepting this whole scenario. I imagine this is a lot what parents sending their kids off to college, or those in the armed forces preparing for deployment feel like. It is a strong cocktail of grief, apprehension, and anxiety, with a spritz of excitement and a sour lemon twist.

It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it myself. ~ Joyce Maynard 

As in all things, We can only do our best with the time we have left of Emily living here full time, and with the time that follows. And with whatever time comes after that.

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